


Flying With Nowhere to Be

by medusaapologist



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Chapter Titles Are Song Titles, F/F, Finn is a Skywalker (Star Wars), Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Leia knows everything, M/M, Original Skywalker Character - Freeform, POV Third Person, Rey is Not a Palpatine, TLJ and TROS fix-it, is it a slowburn? not really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:14:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22029163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/medusaapologist/pseuds/medusaapologist
Summary: Finn defies everything he knows in one moment, and he can't even explain why. It's a feeling, but more than just a simple two-syllable word can describe. All he knew was that he couldn't let that pilot die. Now, he's not only got a name, but a family. And it's everything he never knew he wanted.
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Original Female Character(s), Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 124





	1. Homemade Dynamite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a couple rebel top-gun pilots  
> flying with nowhere to be  
> don’t know you super well  
> but i think you might be the same as me  
> behave abnormally
> 
> -lorde

Finn dreams of childhood. When the First Order took him, he’d been young enough to not need reconditioning. At least, that was what Captain Phasma always told him. Finn never gave them any reason to suspect otherwise. He couldn’t remember anything concrete, anyway. Just warmth. 

But sometimes, cold would seep in. In his worst times, he dreamt of a woman with skin and eyes like his _screaming_ . Part of him always knew that woman was his mother. _“My baby! My baby! Give me my baby!”_ He didn’t know anything about how it ended other than the First Order taking him. Finn wasn’t stupid. He knew the First Order killed the parents that did not comply. Part of him knew his mother had to be dead. She fought for him, and so they killed her. 

Now, though, he dreamt of nothing. 

When Finn wakes up from his dreamless sleep, Rey’s holding his hand. He awakens with a dry mouth, and a heavy weight on his legs. For one terrible moment, Finn feared that he’s been rendered unable to walk by whatever Kylo Ren did to him. But then he sees a bright orange flight suit and black curls, and he calms down. 

“Hi.” Rey’s voice was soft. Softer than Finn had heard from her before.

“How— How long have I been out?” he managed to rasp. 

“About a day,” Rey said. She bit down on her thumbnail and stared at him. “You’re lucky to be alive, according to Dr. Kalonia. If it wasn’t for that jacket, she says you’re spine would have been severed in two. Lucky the leather’s thick.” 

The jacket. Poe’s jacket, gifted to him. His first ever possession, destroyed. 

“He patched it up for you.” Rey jerked her head in the direction of Poe’s unconscious body. “Did a terrible job, though. Used an industrial stapler.” She curled her nose up, as if she thought she could do a far better job at jacket repairs. “He wouldn’t leave you.” 

At that, Finn managed to muster a smile. Whatever strange, unwavering loyalty he felt towards Poe, he was glad Poe seemed to feel it too. 

“Did— Did we win?”

Rey nodded. “Poe and his squadron destroyed the base. Chewie and I got you into the Falcon just in time, too.”

“And… Ren? Is he— Is he dead?”

“I doubt it,” Rey said darkly. She pursed her lips and straightened in the seat beside his bed. “Luke Skywalker’s droid, R2-D2, woke and finished the map to find him.” 

Finn’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh?” His stomach knotted. “So, I suppose… You’ll be leaving soon?”

“ _We’ll_ be leaving soon,” Rey corrected. A soft smile that revealed the sweet dimple at the corner of her mouth tugged at her lips. “The bacta tank worked so well on you that Dr. Kalonia thinks you’ll be able to walk right away. You’ve already woken up far earlier than anyone would expect someone with your injuries to. We’re doing this together, Finn.” 

He felt himself grin. “Together,” he repeated. 

That was when Poe stirred. Slowly, he sat up, rubbing his eyes. 

“Poe,” Finn said, voice quiet so as not to startle to pilot. 

Poe jolted anyway. He tumbled from his chair and his face split open into a grin. Something coiled tight around Finn’s spine, and he was confident it wasn’t the injury. 

“Finn, buddy!” Poe cheered. “Stars, it’s good to see your eyes!” 

Finn blinked at that. Tentatively, he smiled. 

“You had me real scared for a while, there,” Poe continued. “Taking on Kylo Ren yourself? I can’t tell if you’re brave or crazy or stupid!” 

“Probably just a combination of crazy and stupid,” Finn said with a small laugh.

Brave? No. He wasn’t brave. That word was reserved for people like Poe, like Rey. Not him. 

“I think brave’s a good word,” Rey said, reminding Finn that she was still in the room. She flashed him a small smile and stood. Then, she did something completely unexpected and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I have to go speak with General Organa about our journey. I’ll find you later.” 

“Okay.” 

Rey shot him one last smile, squeezed Poe’s arm, and then left the medbay. Poe took the opportunity to scoot closer to Finn. 

“Rey fill you in about our mission?”

“Our?” 

“I am the best pilot in the Resistance, you know,” Poe said with a half-cocky grin. “In all seriousness, though, General Organa wanted someone other than Rey or Chewbacca to help pilot the Falcon, and I asked if that someone could be me.” 

“And I’m just going because Rey wants me there?” 

Finn could do the math. What with Chewie, Rey, and Poe going, they didn’t really need him. Especially since they were going to have Luke Skywalker _himself_ on the trip back. 

“Well, there’s something else, too.” 

Finn knitted his eyebrows together. “What?” 

“When you were brought in, they did some blood work on you. Apparently, there is an extremely high count of midi-chlorians in your blood.” 

“Huh?”

“It means you’re Force sensitive… Like, _really_ Force sensitive.” 

Finn thought he might vomit. _Force sensitive_ . Stars, he had to laugh. Force sensitive — _him?_ There was no way! 

“N-No,” he stuttered. “I— I would’ve know. I— The First Order would have killed me!” 

Poe shrugged. “The tests don’t lie, buddy. But, take a breath. You’re not going to be forced to — _hah_ — learn how to use the Force.”

Finn rolled his eyes at Poe’s dumb pun. 

“This… This is _a lot_ ,” he told Poe.

“I know, pal,” Poe said sympathetically. “We’ll get through it. Together.” 

A soft knock on the door tore Poe’s attention away from Finn. Standing in the doorway was a girl, not much older than Finn — maybe a year or two if he had to guess, but definitely younger than Poe. She had brilliant blue eyes and sandy blond hair that barely brushed the tops of her shoulders. Her hair was curly, but not in the way Finn’s was when it started to get long. No, her hair was more like soft waves, and the top half of it was tied up. She had a gentle smile on her face. 

“Finn, buddy,” Poe said, grinning. He got up and dragged the girl further into the room. “Finn, _this_ is Vice Admiral Annika—”

“That’s enough, Poe,” the girl — Annika — said softly. She fixed her eyes on Finn, and he could feel a wave of intensity sweep over him. “I heard you took Kylo Ren on in single-hand combat.”

“Well, I mean, I—” 

“Don’t diminish yourself,” Annika said. Her voice commanded attention. Something like power rippled off her. It was strong, stronger than Kylo Ren’s even. “Not many people could do what you did yesterday, Finn.” He noticed her hands curl into fists at her sides. “The Resistance owes you a great debt, I more than most.”

“You?” Finn asked. 

He sat up, noticing how Poe stiffened at the topic. Poe’s dark eyes were focused on Annika. There was a great love between Poe and Annika. Finn could tell. The two pilots in front of him cared for each other so deeply that they would bleed out before doing anything to harm the other. 

“When Kylo Ren defected to the First Order, I— I tried to stop him. The temple, it burned into shambles around my feet. Classmates laid dead around me. My own padawan… I couldn’t save her. But, _you_ … _You_ , Finn, you found a way to—” Annika cut herself off sharply. “I just— I owe you a lot, Finn.”

He shifted uncomfortably under the weight of Annika’s hard stare. That was a lot of pressure to put on him, but for some reason, he could see that there were no strings attached to Annika’s words. He could trust her. He knew this in the same way he knew he could trust Poe, trust Rey. 

“We’re glad to have you on board, if you’re willing.” 

“I am,” he told her. 

“Good,” she said, using a very different voice than the one she’d just been using. Something told him this was her officer voice. “I oversee the entire Navy and report directly to Admiral Ackbar and General Organa. Admiral Ackbar coordinates all movements between the navy and ground forces, but I oversee reconnaissance missions, pairing intelligence officers with pilots. After retrieving Master Skywalker, I hope you join the intelligence force, Finn. We could use your knowledge of the First Order.” 

“Annika,” Poe whispered. “This is a lot for him.” 

There was something sharp in Annika’s eyes as she turned to Poe, but she quickly softened. Her shoulders fell to look more relaxed and she nodded. 

“Very well. I’ll see you lot in the hangar tonight.” 

“Wait,” Poe said. “You’re coming with us?” 

“Yes. Chewie’s staying behind. I— I need this, and General Organa agreed. I caught Rey on my way in and informed her as well.” Annika turned to Finn and nodded at him. “I’ll see to getting you some clothes of your own. Poe can aid you with all the paperwork. We’ll need you in the system before you can go on any missions, _Lieutenant_.” 

Finn stared at her, eyes growing wide. _Lieutenant. No. That wasn’t right. He couldn’t_. But, Annika was gone before he could protest. Dizzy, he sank back against the pillow on the bed. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Poe assured him, probably sensing Finn’s freak-out. “In order to sit in on some of the conversations they want you to, you need to be some sort of ranking officer.”

Somehow, that didn’t do much to comfort Finn.

____________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter of my first story to be posted on here. Hope y'all enjoy!  
> Also, for reference, Annika is portrayed by Samara Weaving


	2. Light's Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all the lights couldn't put out the dark  
> runnin' through my heart  
> lights up and they know who you are  
> know who you are  
> do you know who you are?  
> shine, step into the light  
> shine, so bright sometimes  
> shine, i'm not ever going back
> 
> -harry styles

“Okay, and now you just gotta pick out a surname.”

Finn blinked at Poe.  _ Surname _ . He’d never heard of that before. 

“What does that mean?”

“Like…  _ Shit _ ,” Poe cursed. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t think. A surname is, like— It’s a family name. Like, Poe Dameron, Leia Organa, Han Solo, Luke Skywalker.” 

And Finn didn’t have a surname — a family name — because he didn’t have a family. 

“Oh,” he said quietly. 

Suddenly, he was wishing to slip back into that coma. 

“But, that’s okay!” Poe said quickly. “Family isn’t always your blood. I mean, Annika’s my family, and she and I aren’t related. You get to pick your family, Finn.”

“Oh,” Finn said again, but this time he wasn’t so sad. “So, does that mean— Does that mean you can be my family?”

He didn’t know much about family — what it entailed, what it felt like,  _ anything _ really — but he knew that he liked Poe a lot. He knew that Poe was one of the best people in the galaxy, even if he hadn’t met a lot of people in said galaxy. It was like that feeling he got around Poe, wrapping around his torso and tickling his palms. He wanted Poe in his life. He wanted Poe to be his family.

“Sure, buddy,” Poe said. “Us Damerons would be happy to have you. But, are you sure you want that?”

Finn shrugged. “I don’t have anyone else.”

“You don’t want to try and find your parents?”

“My mother’s dead,” Finn said, full of depressing confidence. 

_ “My baby! Please, not my baby!” _ They killed her while taking him. He was sure of it.

“And your dad?” Poe asked. “What about him?”

If Finn thought hard enough on it, he could almost make up a kind smile and blue eyes. It was a man that didn’t look much like him, but a father nonetheless. 

“I have no idea,” Finn confessed. “I wouldn’t even— Where would I start?”

Poe pulled the tablet from Finn’s hands and replaced it with his own. “We’ve got time,” Poe assured him. “You can hold off on filing a surname if you want. We can search for your father, for your biological family. And,  _ then _ you can decide if you still want Dameron.”

“Yeah,” Finn said. “I’d— I’d like that, I think.”

“Perfect,” Poe said. “And now, we’re finished with the paperwork— Thank the Maker.” 

Finn turned the tablet in to the tall, skinny droid at the desk. The droid tutted about the “incompleteness” of it, but Poe shut it up with a single look. It was useless feeling guilty about it, Finn was aware, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t want to be a burden on the Resistance, he wanted to help, but there was just  _ so much _ he didn’t know — about himself, about the galaxy,  _ everything _ . If nothing else, the First Order was spectacular at keeping its soldiers in complete darkness and subordination. 

They made their way through the brightly lit corridors of the base, Poe with Finn’s bag of clothing over his shoulder — he’d insisted on it — and BB-8 whirring after them. Poe led Finn to his quarters. As a commander, Poe not only got his own room, but his own refresher unit. It was more space than Finn could ever dream of having for himself.

He hadn’t even noticed he’d let out a small “Wow” out of awe until Poe chuckled. 

“You like?”

Poe had clothes strewn about, hanging off his desk chair, piled in the floor, sticking out of drawers. Shoes were kicked about. It was chaos, but there was an organization to it, Finn noticed as Poe picked things up methodically and without thinking. 

“I just— I slept with fifty other people in the barracks,” Finn said. “I don’t think anyone but Hux and Phasma had their own rooms.” 

“We try to max the rooms at six people,” Poe explained as he shoved clothes into a bag. “Most officers either have their own room or just share with one other person.”

Finn thought of Annika, and how she called him  _ Lieutenant _ . That made him an officer. Oh,  _ Stars! _ Would he get his own room? The thought alone made him so giddy that he thought he might faint. Hell, even sharing with six people was more space than he ever would have gotten before. The Resistance was like a dream. 

“I pushed the two beds in here together when I was made Commander,” Poe continued. “More than enough room for myself. When we get back, we can see about you bunking with me, if you’d like?”

“Yeah,” Finn said, more breath than voice. “That’d be— I’d like that.”

Poe beamed at him. “Me too.” 

It was like all the breath in Finn’s lungs was ripped away from him. The sensation wasn’t uncomfortable. No, it was… It was  _ light _ . 

“Okay, well, I’m all set. Do you need anything else before we head to the hangar?” 

Finn had no idea what else he could possibly need. He had the clothes the Resistance gave him. What else was there? 

“No. I think— I don’t think there’s anything else.” 

“Right.” Poe clapped Finn on the shoulder. “Let’s head out, then.” 

When they reached the hangar, Rey was already at the Falcon. She was sitting on the ramp, toying with Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber. BB-8 whirred up the ramp and tapped its head against her knee. 

“Hi,” Rey said. 

“I can’t believe this is the  _ real _ Millennium Falcon,” Poe said, awe in his voice and stars in his eyes. “And you really flew it?”

“I did. Finn helped.” 

Finn made a face. “Not really. I just— I used the guns.” 

“Like I said—” Rey stood and clipped the lightsaber to her belt— “you helped.” 

“Man, I can’t wait to get my hands on her,” Poe said, still lost in his own world. 

Rey caught Finn’s eyes and smirked a little. He bit back a laugh of his own. If Poe was aware how vaguely inappropriate his comment was, he didn’t comment on it. Even when Finn failed to stifle his laugh and let out a genuine chuckle. 

“So, when are we leaving?” 

“Whenever Annika arrives,” Rey said. 

There was a clipped edge to her tone just then. If she was displeased about Annika joining them, Finn couldn’t see why. She’d been perfectly nice when visiting him in the medbay, and Poe seemed to love her. Anyone that Poe loved was great in Finn’s book. 

“She had to meet with General Organa, I think,” Poe said. He reached into the Falcon to toss his and Finn’s bags in. “But, I’m sure she’ll be here soon.” 

Sure enough, Annika entered the hangar not even five minutes later, accompanied by Leia Organa herself. The two women were speaking quietly, and Annika had a pinched look on her face. Though from the soft, calm look on General Organa’s, Finn was certain Annika wasn’t been scolded. He couldn’t help but wonder just what they were talking about. 

“Take care of yourself,” General Organa said, finally in ear range. 

“Always,” Annika sighed out. 

Finn watched, though he tried to make it seem as though he wasn’t, as the two women hugged. It was a tight, lingering hug— familial, even. Annika didn’t look back at General Organa once she pulled away from the hug and started walking towards the Falcon.

“Annika.” 

Finn saw Annika half, scrunch up her face, and turn back. “Yes?” 

“I believe you’re forgetting something.” 

General Organa reached into the pocket of her robes and procured what seemed to be a lightsaber. The body of it was far different from Luke Skywalker’s. Luke’s lightsaber was more sleek, while the one General Organa held out to Annika was— Well, the only way Finn could describe it was  _ rough _ . 

“It’s time, Annika.”

Annika let out an audible sigh and summoned the lightsaber to her. Finn jumped at the sight. He’d never seen someone use the Force with such little fanfare. The few times he’d seen Kylo Ren use it, it had been all about the dramatics. 

“Thank you, Leia,” Annika said quietly. 

“Always,” General Organa said kindly. Then, she raised her eyes and looked upon Finn, Rey, and Poe. “May the Force be with you all.” 

“Thank you,” Finn said, awestruck under the weight of her gaze.

Her lips quirked upwards. “I’ll be looking forward to conversing with you upon your return, Finn.” 

Hurriedly, he nodded. “Of course, General.” 

She hummed, seemingly satisfied with his answer. Then, she turned to Poe.

“Take care of her.” 

“I always do, General.” 

“Well—” General Organa clasped her hands in front of her. “I’ll leave you all to it, then. We’ll check in every two days. Annika will be in charge of all communications for this mission.” 

Annika gave a small salute and just walked into the Falcon. 

It wasn’t until they were in hyperspace that Finn worked up the courage to actually speak to Annika. Rey was napping on the bed that Finn had patched Chewie up on a few days ago — and nearly died doing so. Annika and Poe were sitting on the bench around the holochess table, playing a rather intense game. When Annika beat Poe and smirked triumphantly, Finn found himself speaking.

“So, how’d you get the position of Vice Admiral so young?” Finn asked. “I mean, you can’t be much older than I am.”

Annika smiled like she was in on some joke that no one else was. “Nepotism, mostly.”

Poe scoffed loudly. “She’s being humble. She’s a better pilot than I am, never misses with a blaster  _ or _ a gunner, and has a mind for tactics that you wouldn’t believe.” Then, she grinned a bit wryly. “Nepotism is only half of it.”

“Nepotism?” Finn questioned. 

“Leia’s my aunt,” Annika said. 

Her eyes were level on Finn’s face, like she was gauging him for a reaction. He wasn’t sure why. He settled back against his seat. And then, it hit him. General Organa only had one sibling. 

“Luke Skywalker’s your  _ father _ ?” Finn gasped. “I didn’t— He’s married?”

“No,” Annika said, snorting. “I never had a mom. He didn’t really have time for it, especially after— Well, I always kind of suspected he had a thing going on with Lando Calrissian.” 

Finn knew who Lando Calrissian was, just like he knew Leia Organa, Han Solo, and Luke Skywalker. They were the prime example of enemies that the First Order gave them during training. There were other names from the Rebel Alliance, too, that he was told with an accompanying sneer, but they didn’t stick in his mind like the others. They weren’t of legendary status. They weren’t Luke Skywalker, who saved his father through love and love alone. 

“Huh,” Finn said, because, really, that was all he could say. 

Before all this, Luke Skywalker had been nothing more than a First Order ghost story. Now, Finn was on his way to meet him. It didn’t seem real. None of this did. 

“You know, when Anna first told me about her theory, I thought I was gonna pass out. All the other gay guys in the Republic’s Flight Academy passed around our own theories, because he never married despite being, probably, the most eligible bachelor in the entire galaxy after the Battle of Yavin,” Poe said. “I always thought it was a bunch of bantha shit, but then Anna bursts into my life and tells me all about the man she was convinced her dad was in love with.” 

“Gay?” Finn asked, unable to focus on nearly anything in Poe’s story. “Wh-What’s that?”

Annika and Poe exchanged quick looks. 

“It, uh… It’s, like— I mean, I’m a guy, right?” Finn nodded slowly, unsure where Poe was going with it. “Well, people tend to assume that guys like girls, and vise versa. But, I’m a guy and I like guys. So, that makes me gay. And the same thing goes for girls who like girls. And then, some people like both guys and girls, which makes them bisexual.”

“Oh,” Finn said. “I never— They never told us about that in the First Order. We weren’t— Personal relationships were forbidden.” 

Something like a mix of sadness and anger crossed over both Poe and Annika’s faces. 

“Man,” Annika said, swearing quietly. “Everytime I think I can’t hate the First Order more than I already do, someone finds a way to prove me wrong.” 

Without saying anything else, she walked into the cockpit and sank into the pilot’s chair. Finn stared at the place she’d just been sitting, throat thick. He could all but feel the deep sadness radiating off Annika and floating towards him. 

“Did— Did I say something wrong?” Finn asked.

“No,” Poe assured him. “Annika just… She feels things stronger than most people. I think it’s a Jedi thing.” 

Pursing his lips, Finn turned to the cockpit. He could only see Annika’s legs, but he could tell she was hunched over. He could feel sadness, but he could also feel anger. 

“She’s angry,” he whispered.

“Most of us are, buddy. That’s why we’re at war.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out what the plot of this actually is. For now, we're just having fun exploring characters and relationships. 
> 
> Also, for context: Annika is the OC I created for a Rey fanfiction a few months back. Finn and Poe had the same relationship in that fic, but I wanted to write a story focusing on them. In the time between then and now, I got really attached to Annika and I wanted to keep her in.


	3. Dog Days Are Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> run fast for your mother, run fast for your father   
> run for your children, for your sisters and your brothers   
> leave all your love and your longing behind you   
> can’t carry it with you if you want to survive
> 
> -florence + the machine

They arrived on Ahch-To the following morning. By the time they landed on the lush grass of the island planet, Finn was itching to get out of the Falcon. Annika looked to Rey, then, and spoke the first words to her that Finn heard. 

“I’m gonna go ahead and find him,” Annika said, and Finn noticed that Annika very pointedly didn’t say ‘my dad,’ just ‘him.’ “Rey, would you like to come with me?”

“Oh,” Rey said, straightening up and blinking at Annika. “Well— Yes. I would. Thank you.”

“Right, then,” Annika said. “Let’s go.”

Finn watched them disappear over a grassy hill. Poe walked out of the Falcon to join him on the ramp. Once again, Poe clasped his hand over Finn’s shoulder. Finn hoped it would become a habit. He’d never experienced touch and closeness in the First Order, but Poe seemed so comfortable with it. Finn liked it. 

“Looks like it’s just us for now, buddy,” Poe said, settling down in the grass. “Man, it’s nice here.”

Finn pulled his knees to his chest and looked up at the bright sky, relishing in the feeling of the sunlight on his skin. It was warm and pleasant here, so vastly different from the blistering heat of Jakku.

“Yeah,” Finn said. “I’ve— I’ve never seen anywhere like this before.”

Poe raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Yeah. We didn’t ever really leave the bases unless we were going to another base or on some sort of mission. That night on Jakku— That was my first battle. We did simulations, but I was never in a real battle. So, I was only ever on the Finalizer or the Starkiller base before that.” 

He was met by silence.  _ Kriff _ , he thought. This was his issue. Everything about how he grew up— That was his normal. He had no idea what was considered to be too much for other people, the people who actually grew up  _ normal _ . Poe took him by surprise by leaning over and pulling him into a hug. Poe’s fingers curled into the back of Finn’s shirt, brushing over the thick, raised scar left by Kylo Ren’s assault. Finn jolted at the sensation, but pulled Poe tighter before he could launch away and apologize for touching the scar.

“I’m sorry you grew up like that,” Poe whispered. “Someday… Someday, I’ll take you to where I grew up. Hell, I’ll show you the whole damn galaxy if you’d like.” 

“That’s a really big promise,” Finn mumbled. 

“And it’s one I intend to keep, if you’ll let me.”

“Okay,” Finn said. “After the war is over, we’ll go everywhere.”

Poe pulled back, grinning, all traces of sadness gone. “No stone in the universe will be left unturned.” 

Finn matched the other man’s grin. A cloud shifted and a ray of sunlight trickled down and hit Poe’s hair. The dark curls glinted in the sunlight, shiny and stunning. He was beautiful, like the trees and crystalline lakes on Takodana. Finn’s stomach churned. In the open, unfiltered sunlight, Poe’s eyes looked like liquid gold. 

“I’ll hold you to that,” he finally said. 

If Poe noticed how flustered Finn was, he didn’t say anything about it. 

“We can start on Yavin IV,” Poe kept going. “It’s where I grew up. Out in the yard, we’ve got this Force sensitive tree.” Then, his eyes went wide. “Luke Skywalker gave it to my mom, you know! Wow, it just hit me. We’re gonna meet Luke kriffing Skywalker.” 

There was something childlike in Poe’s excitement that made Finn laugh. Warmth bubbled in his chest and filled his lungs. He wanted Poe to have that sparkle in his eyes  _ forever _ . 

“Your mom knows Luke Skywalker?”

“Knew,” Poe corrected. “My mom, uh— She died when I was eight.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Finn said. “I didn’t—”

“No, it’s okay. You didn’t know. Besides, it’s been a long time.” Poe moved his hand from Finn’s shoulder to his wrist. He curled his fingers around Finn’s wrist and squeezed comfortingly. “She and my dad were both in the Rebellion. She was a Lieutenant pilot, and my dad was a Sergeant with the ground soldiers. He worked mostly with the Pathfinders.”

Finn listed attentively. He couldn’t imagine how great it was to grow up, raised by heroes who fought for the freedom of everyone in the galaxy. Finn had no idea who his parents were, but he wondered if they’d been with the Rebels too. He hoped so. He wanted to have goodness inside of him. He wanted to have more in his history than just the First Order. 

“They sound amazing,” Finn said after Poe finished telling the story about his parents meeting.

“They are,” Poe said. “My dad’s still on Yavin IV, pretending he’s not aging or worrying about me. I worry about him too, though. Try to check in every chance I get.” 

“You’re a good son, Poe,” Finn said. 

Even if he wasn’t sure what made up the qualifications to be a good son, he was confident Poe met all of them. 

“I try to be,” Poe said. “I just want them to be proud of me.” 

“I can’t imagine they wouldn’t be,” Finn said. 

After all, Poe was the best person he knew. He had no idea how someone could take a look at Poe and not come to that very same conclusion. 

“Thank you, Finn,” Poe said. “It— It means a lot.” 

The conversation lulled, and somehow Poe’s hand slipped from Finn’s wrist to his hand. Their fingers rested in the grass, loosely interlocked. It was nice, and Finn wouldn’t question it. He let his brain wander to Rey and Annika. Had they found Luke Skywalker yet? Would they come back for him and Poe with Luke Skywalker in tow? Or would they be by themselves? 

“How long have you known Annika?” Finn asked. 

“A long time,” Poe said. “My parents were good friends with General Organa, so we met a couple times when I was a kid, at dinners and stuff, before she was old enough to be at the Jedi Temple full time. I was twelve, though, so I couldn’t have been bothered to hang out with a five year old.” He laughed a little, and then his face turned sad. Poe’s hand clutched on a little tighter to his. “But then her brother died, and I was the only other kid at those dinners that really knew what that meant.”

Finn frowned. He looked from their hands — Poe was squeezing so hard that his knuckles were white — to Poe’s face. 

“Wh— What happened?”

“Same thing that always happens,” Poe said. He sounded tired. “His name was Owen, for Luke’s uncle. Owen’s mom and Luke weren’t together. Anna never really gave details, but I also don’t know how much she knows. Keiya and Owen were both killed by the First Order when Anna was five. I guess they were on a trip to Keiya’s home world, and they just so happened to run into a raid. Keiya’s body was recovered, but not Owen’s. She says Luke searched for years, but couldn’t find any trace in the Force. Gods, I don’t even wanna  _ think _ about what could have happened to that kid.” 

Finn thought he might be sick. Now, all that bleeding sadness and bitter anger he felt from Annika on the Falcon made sense. The conversation they had in the medbay made sense. Annika had real skin in the game. The First Order took everything from her. It destroyed her family. Finn swore beneath his breath and curled the hand not holding Poe’s into the dirt.

“I can’t even imagine what that must feel like,” Finn said after a moment. 

“It’s not very pleasant, so I don’t see why you’d want to,” a sharp voice said. 

Annika was standing in front of them, fingers curled around the strap of her bag. Her face was hard and cold, devoid of emotion. 

“Rey and I found him. Let’s go.” 

Again, with the  _ him _ . There was a lot of anger within Annika, and something told Finn it wasn’t just anger towards the First Order. She was angry at Luke Skywalker. Seeing that Annika was in a worse mood than she was on the Falcon, Finn scrambled up, pulling Poe with him. They followed Annika, shrinking under the weight of her stormy silence. Finn would wager that if she didn’t have such control over her abilities, the very ground would be splitting open beneath her feet. 

When they reached the spot where Annika and Rey found Luke Skywalker, Rey and the famed Jedi were locked in conversation. Luke Skywalker held the old lightsaber in his hands. Finn’s eyes locked onto the robotic hand replacing Luke’s right hand. He knew all about that hand, lost in a fierce battle against Darth Vader. Finn’s mind wandered to the scar on his back, taken from Kylo Ren’s fierce blade. Their conversation ceased upon the arrival of Finn, Poe, and Annika. Rey’s face lit up in a grin.

“Finn! This is Master Skywalker!” 

“Luke’s fine,” the man said. 

He looked older than Finn expected him to, but maybe it was the stress of everything that aged him. Still, Finn was confident in that he just couldn’t call  _ the _ Luke Skywalker by his first name. 

“It’s an honor to meet you, sir,” Finn said. 

“It’s an honor to meet you,” Luke retorted. “Rey told me about all you did— Leaving the First Order, it was very brave.”

In that moment, he sounded an awful lot like General Organa.  _ Makes sense _ , Finn thought. After all, they  _ are _ twins. But, there it was again. That blasted word:  _ brave _ . Finn wasn’t brave. He was a coward, a liar. He lied about know how to shut down the shields on the Starkiller base just so he could get to Rey, and Han died because of it. He wasn’t brave. Instead of saying all that, he just smiled. Annika, however, was smirking at him like she knew  _ exactly _ what was going on in his head. But, then again, maybe she did know. Maybe the Force was telling her everything he was feeling. 

Then, he could hear Han’s voice yelling at him.  _ “That’s not how the Force works!” _

“Sir, I’m Poe— Poe Dameron,” Poe said, brushing past Finn to shake Luke Skywalker’s hand. “I— I— I learned to do the Skywalker Swoop in, like, two weeks. I wouldn’t stop until I got it!”

Luke Skywalker smiled thinly. “Shara Bey’s your mother. Right?” Poe nodded emphatically, and Luke Skywalker gestured to the air around his hip. “I remember when you were this tall.” 

Poe’s face was like the sun Finn felt minutes ago, resting in the grass outside the Falcon. Finn’s breath hitched in the base of his throat, and he could feel Annika’s eyes on him still. Warmth flooded his cheeks and the back of his neck, and he wasn’t sure why. Annika seemed like she did, though. Maybe he could ask her about it. She didn’t seem to be in a talkative mood, especially after walking in on him and Poe talking about her brother.

_ Oh, kriff _ . He definitely wasn’t supposed to know about it. 

She still hadn’t spoken a word. What happened between her and her father? Whatever it was, Poe definitely knew the issue. Rey could sense the offness, too. Just like he could. He could see it in her face, in the way her eyes squinted and her nose scrunched just a bit. 

“Rey, Poe, Finn,” Luke Skywalker said. He handed the old lightsaber back to Rey with a quiet sigh. “Would you mind excusing Annika and I?” 

Before Finn could even register what had been said, Rey was yanking him into a small hut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this fic is largely Finn centric, there will be times when we explore the world outside of his pov. We'll have some Poe, some Rey, some Annika, and even some Luke every now and then. In the next chapter, we will briefly delve into Annika's mind for her conversation/reunion with Luke. It won't take away from the greater, overarching story but rather add onto the world building. 
> 
> Also, it took me like thirty minutes of googling to find the name for the Skywalker Swoop


	4. River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wish i had a river so long,   
> i would teach my feet to fly.   
> oh, i wish i had a river i could skate away on
> 
> -joni mitchell

Annika watched Rey, Finn, and Poe disappear into the hut her father had seemingly made his new home over the last six years. She could feel the air crackle around her, the very molecules sparking with unbridled electricity. Stars, how she wished they weren’t around for this reunion. Poe would understand — he knew her anger, he was familiar with it — but Finn and Rey just simply couldn’t understand, because they didn’t know her. 

“Come with me,” Luke said, speaking first. “There’s something I need to show you.” 

“Your excuse for abandoning us all, I presume?” Annika retorted, voice snipped. 

_ You will not freak out _ , she ordered herself.  _ You will not have an episode. You will remain calm and collected _ . Even after all these years, she couldn’t knock the Jedi Code out of her brain’s programing.  _ You will remain in complete, total, utter control _ . Sometimes, the self-talk worked. She prayed this would be one of those times. 

“Annika, I know you’re angry with me—”

“Furious, actually,” Annika spat. “And, honestly, furious doesn’t even begin to cover it! You  _ left _ . You left all of us. Alone.” 

“And, I’m deeply sorry for that,” he told her evenly. As a kid, she adored how unshakeable her father was. He never yelled, never scolded. He just always  _ spoke _ in his soft, kind voice. Today, though, it made her want to rip her hair out. “I needed to— I should have brought you with me.”

“No,” Annika said, shaking her head. She curled her hands into fists at her sides, relishing in the sharp sting of her nails digging into her palms. “You should have  _ stayed _ . If you hadn’t left— Dad, Han died.”

His face turned sheet white and he looked far older than his actual age. “What?”

“Ben—  _ Kylo Ren _ killed him.” 

It hurt, so much more than Annika liked to admit. It had been years and she still had trouble reconciling the Ben she knew and idolized and toddled after as a child with the monster he was today. She couldn’t merge the image of him teaching her how to write her name in calligraphy with the image of his blue saber piercing the chest of Korra’s chest, or the image of Nova’s limp, cold, discarded body. Her inability to separate the two would kill her some day, she was sure of it. 

Her father sank down to sit on the stone wall beside where they stood. “Annika, I— You’re right.” He looked absolutely crushed and she could feel the sadness and grief wafting off him. “I never should have gone away. This— This is  _ my  _ fault.” 

She wanted to yell at him, to tell him he was correct, and that Han never would have died if he stayed. She wanted to tell him that this war would be long over if he stayed. But, how true could that really be? He was only one man. People liked to say he won the war against the Empire, but it wasn’t the truth. He was only one part of a much greater machine. Sighing, she sat down beside him. 

“I really miss you, Dad.” She sniffed, trying to keep teardrops at bay. “I’m still really mad, but I also miss you so much.”

How could she not? He was the only parent she ever really knew. Keiya was always more of an aunt figure than a mothering figure, anyway. Keiya had been Owen’s mother, not hers. 

“My little miracle,” Luke whispered, looping an arm around her back and hugging her. “I won’t leave again. I swear it.” 

Annika warmed at the nickname. It was comfortable and familiar, and it was all she wanted. It was a nickname from childhood, but it was one that stuck. And, stars above, she hadn’t even realized how much she missed it in the last six years until now. 

“I’m sorry for abandoning you,” he continued. “The grief, the guilt… It was all too much.”

Her father was a true Jedi, but Annika wasn’t like him in that way. She didn’t want to talk about her sticky, hurtful feelings. She just wanted to power through them until they were gone. Sniffling, she removed herself from her father’s grip and stood.

“Right, well—” She sniffled again and wiped at her nose with the back of her hand. “What were you going to show me?” 

Luke stared at her, blue eyes narrowed into a careful gaze. She knew he was wondering if she’d snap again, curious to how temporary this calm was but not wanting to ask when the storm would come again. Annika wasn’t even sure about that herself. It’d be a while, at least, she hoped. 

“Follow me.” 

He led her down the path and along the coast. As they walked, Annika stared out to the wild oceans that surrounded the island. She wondered what it’d be like to just submerge herself and the water and make a home below the surface. 

“So, what was with that look?”

“What look?” Luke asked, several feet ahead of her. He didn’t turn around to face her. 

“The one you gave Finn.” Annika sped up so she was walking in tandem with her father. “It was weird. He didn’t notice it, but I did. So, tell me, what was that look about?” 

**[** …  **]**

“What do you think they’re discussing?” 

Finn glanced at Rey, surprised by her question. In the time he knew her, she’d never wondered about other’s business. What was it with Annika and Luke Skywalker, then? 

“Jedi stuff?” Finn guessed.

At the same time, Poe said, with full confidence, “Family stuff.” 

Pursing his lips, Finn shuffled towards the window of the hut. Annika and Luke Skywalker were gone. If he squinted, he could see them walking along the coast.  _ Family stuff _ . Yeah, that made much more sense. 

“I can’t believe Luke Skywalker has a kid,” Finn said. “We— Nothing like that was ever taught to us.”

“I didn’t know either,” Rey said, frowning. “You’d think it’d be all over the galaxy.” 

Poe just shrugged. “It’s not like it’s a secret,” he said. “Annika doesn’t talk about it much, for reasons you two can probably guess, but everyone in the Resistance knows. Vice Admiral Skywalker, Jedi Master, the best damn pilot in the whole galaxy.” 

“I thought that was you.”

Poe’s lips quirked up upon hearing Finn’s statement. That little smirk sent a jolt right to Finn’s spine. 

“Annika’s got me comfortably beat on that front, I’m afraid. She always says it doesn’t count because she can use the Force and that it’s really me, but that’s a load of shit.” 

_ The Force _ . Finn always knew it was real, he’d seen Kylo Ren use it. But he also always thought it was something unattainable. He was wrong, though. The Force was his to use, should he choose to learn it. Finn bit the inside of his cheek and looked to Rey. 

“Did you hear?” he asked softly. “About my midi-chlorian count, I mean.” 

“I did.” 

“Do— Do you think I should, you know, learn?” 

“Yes,” Rey told him. She reached out and pulled his hand into hers. “I’d like it very much if you did.” 

Relief washed over him. He didn’t know what he’d do if she thought it was a bad idea. Maybe he wouldn’t like it, but he had the option to learn — and he wanted to learn  _ everything _ . The First Order had kept so much from him, and now he had the entire galaxy open before him. He couldn’t go with Poe to explore all the systems just yet, but he could learn. He could experience things. He owed it to himself. 

“I’ll think about it,” Finn said after a moment’s pause. 

Luke and Annika returned a while later, when it was nearly dark. It was evident that they’d solved at least some of their problems. Annika was noticeably lighter when she entered the hut — which was to say, the air didn’t seem so heavy around her anymore. Less anger radiated out of her shoulders. 

“So, will you teach me?” Rey asked, shooting up and squaring her shoulders back as soon as Luke walked in. “Have you decided?”

Luke hesitated under Rey’s gaze.  _ Strange _ , Rey hadn’t mentioned anything about Luke not wanting to teach her.

“I—”

“Dad,” Annika whispered. Luke turned to face her and she had a tight, pained smile on her face. “I know you’re— What happened is awful, and I mourn every day. I miss Nova and Korra every single day. But—” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, collecting herself. “We need you. We need Luke Skywalker. And, Rey has the ability to learn. She’s  _ powerful _ . She fought B— _ Kylo Ren _ and  _ won _ .”

Finn didn’t know what to think. That was the most he’d heard Annika speak in the time they knew each other — which wasn’t very long at all — and it was the only time her voice wasn’t laced with venomous anger. He flicked his eyes over to Poe. There was a fond smile on the older man’s face as he watched Annika.  _ So, he notices the new lightness, too _ . Finn certainly couldn’t deny a certain infectious aspect to Annika’s newfound peace. Rey seemed to be pulled into the affect too, which was strange because Finn had been getting the impression that Rey didn’t like Annika all that much. 

“Very well,” Luke said, voice solemn. “We’ll begin in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter four, with a look into Annika's mind! She still has a lot of work to do when it comes to repairing her relationship with her father, but the foundation is there. For me, her and Finn are the centerpieces of this story, kind of like Luke and Leia were in the original trilogy. Obviously, this does not discredit the importance of Poe and Rey, as they are also the main characters of this story. For me, what it means to have Annika and Finn as the centerpieces of this story (most specifically Finn, though), it means that it will be mostly told through their eyes. 
> 
> I love hearing what you guys think, so please comment with any thoughts/critiques or questions!


	5. Comfort Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we rot, thinkin' lots about nothing  
> yeah, i could spend a lifetime  
> sitting here talkin'  
> and even if i cry all over your body  
> you don't really mind  
> say you like your shirt soggy
> 
> -conan gray

“Who are Korra and Nova?”

Finn was standing in the empty doorway of one of the huts Luke cleared out for them. There were hundreds of stone huts scattered across the island, Luke said, from the original Jedi. It was humbling, Finn thought, to stand before something that had been standing for so long, and would probably keep standing after his death. He’d never felt so small, but he’d also never felt so wondrous. It was the strangest sensation.

Annika looked up from the bed she was making for herself. Luke — or rather, the native species of Lanai offered them two huts to occupy for the duration of their stay, and Annika had been quick to claim Poe as her roommate. It left Finn with Rey to room with, which he didn’t mind at all, but he also couldn’t deny the disappointment at not getting to share with Poe. Though, if it were up to him, he’d be sharing with Annika, Poe, and Rey. 

There was a look on her face that Finn couldn’t quite place. If he had to guess, Annika was torn between crying and punching him in the face.

“Korra was my Padawan,” Annika said after a moment, eyes glassy. “And Nova was… I don’t know, my best friend.” She sniffed sharply and leveled Finn with her gaze. “Why?”

“I just— I don’t know. You— You mentioned them earlier, and… I’m just— I don’t know much. About anything. I could tell you all about battle formations and how to assemble a rifle in under thirty seconds. I was only ever supposed to be a soldier. I want to learn everything I can.” Finn paused to take a breath, unsure where he was going in his rambling. His face felt wet, and he wasn’t sure if he was crying or if rain had started to seep through the hut’s roof. “I’m sorry if I upset you.” 

The look Annika gave him then was the softest one he’d seen from her yet. “You don’t need to apologize.” Her voice was barely above that of a whisper. “I’ve just— I’m sorry if I’ve been cold to you, Finn. I have a difficult time with people, and I’ve watched a lot of people die — And not just soldiers, mind you. People I _love_. I’m far better with droids and mechanics.” 

“I think you’re good,” Finn said. “With people, I mean.”

A quiet laugh fell from Annika’s lips and Finn wasn’t sure if she meant to do that. His chest filled with a comfortable, warm, pride at the thought of making Annika laugh. She seemed like she could use happiness in her life just as much as he could.

“I think Rey would disagree with you,” she said wryly. 

So, he wasn’t imagining it after all.

“Did something happen with you two?” 

The laugh that Annika let out then was very different from her soft chuckle. This one was more sharp, bitter. “We had a bit of an… altercation, I suppose you could say, back on base. I’m not very good with first impressions.” 

Finn drew his eyebrows together. “What’d you do?” 

“I let my grief and anger over Han get the best of me,” Annika said. She sat down on her small bed with a sigh and jerked her head for him to enter. “Rey just wanted to help me with Artoo, but I snapped. I— I yelled about… _everything_.”

“Have you apologized?” Finn asked.

Another wry smile. “I’m not very good at that either.” 

“So, what are you good at, then?” Finn asked, sitting down beside her. 

Another laugh from Annika. _Thank the stars_ , he thought. He would have been mortified if it came across as him trying to make fun of her. 

“I’m good at flying, strategising, organizing squadrons, ship _and_ droid repairs, fighting… We’re more similar than you’d think, Finn.” She reached up and pulled the top half of her hair out of its little bun. “Poe is… the only person I’m able to just _be_ with. Like, there’s no effort when it comes to him, and after everything that’s happened in my life I love him for that.” 

“Yeah,” Finn said, thinking of Poe’s smile when they broke out of the Finalizer. “I get that.” 

“Can I ask you something personal now?”

Finn glanced down at Annika. She was staring up at him with calculating eyes, but there was nothing cruel about her stare.

“Uh, okay.”

“Do you remember anything about your birth family?”

“No,” Finn said definitively. “I can’t remember what my parents looked like, or if I had any siblings. All I can remember is a voice, and even then, I’m not sure if it’s real.”

“A voice?” Annika’s voice was tender, like she was afraid to prod too much and break him. 

“Yeah,” Finn said. His throat felt coarse, dry. “It’s a woman’s voice, and she’s screaming, _begging_.” He rubbed the back of his neck and quoted, “My baby, my baby, give me my baby.” 

“I’m sorry,” Annika said genuinely, but also a bit lamely. What else could one say, though? “I don’t know if this will make you feel any better, but I’m sure that’s a memory. Force sensitive individuals tend to have greater memory retention. Granted, you were so young so it makes sense that you wouldn’t have remembered much, and considering the fact that the First Order definitely put you through some sort of brain-washing, reconditioning… Well, it’s a miracle you can remember even that.” 

Annika was right. Finn wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse. 

“Poe told you about Owen, right?” 

Finn nodded.

“I was four when he was… well, whatever.” Finn watched as a tear fell from her eye and rolled down her cheek. She let out a shuddering sigh and pulled her knees up to her chest. “I can’t remember his face, or what he felt like. All I can remember is laughing with him. Sometimes, I get a glimpse of grass, flowers, bare feet, and dark skin. But that’s it. That’s all I have of my baby brother.” 

It was all incredibly human of her, which Finn hadn’t been expecting. 

It was Finn’s turn to be genuine and lame, then. “I’m sorry, Annika. It— It’s terrible.” 

She pursed her lips together tight. Her face was scrunched in an wrinkled manner. Finn could feel her trying to collect herself. 

“How does the Force work?” Finn found himself asking. “I— I think I can feel it, but… I don’t know.”

Annika’s hand reached out and wrapped around his shoulder. “It’s different for everyone, I think. For me, I can feel it in _everything_. It’s like… It’s like the air. It’s always surrounding me, and everyone feels different.”

“I can feel emotions of other people,” Finn said. “I could… sense, I guess, your power from the moment I met you. It radiates off of you, and it’s stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before.”

“That’s the Force,” Annika said softly. “It’s strong in you. I could sense it during the debrief before we left for the Starkiller base. When the medical droids were operating on you, I asked them to do a blood test for midichlorians.”

“You did?”

Annika nodded. “I hope you don’t mind, and I apologize if it was overstepping. I just— I wanted to know. I hope you choose to learn the ways of the Force, Finn.”

“You think I should?”

“I do.” Annika pulled her hand from his shoulder and stood. “I won’t pretend— I haven’t considered myself a Jedi in many years, Finn, and I won’t pretend I’m not furious at everything and everyone for all that’s happened. However, I think knowledge of the universe and the Force will be invaluable in the war.”

“To defeat Kylo Ren?”

“Not just that. To _destroy_ the entire First Order, root and stem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is very dialogue heavy. However, it was a necessary evil to set up the relationship between Finn and Annika. Also, it gives a little background into Rey's apprehension towards Annika in the first couple chapters. What I hope you got from this chapter is that Annika is a very emotional person and doesn't really prescribe to the ~~Jedi Way~~ of calmness (she's a bit like her grandfather in that sense). More fun to come soon, with many questions to be answered!
> 
> Will Finn decide to train as a Jedi, and if he does will Luke train him, or will it be Annika? When will Finn learn he's a Skywalker? Does Luke already have an inkling? How long will they be on Ahch-To?
> 
> Keep reading, and you'll find out!


	6. Children Who Start Fires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i heard you burnt yourself again,  
> lighting fires with someone else.  
> just because you're cold,  
> just because you're bored,  
> just because you can.
> 
> -to kill a king

Finn left Annika not long after their conversation about the Force. Her words weighed heavy on his mind, but there was also a new lightness to his chest. Annika  _ believed _ in  _ him _ . Something about her faith in him felt so vastly different from the faith Rey and Poe placed in him. Maybe it was because, at first, Annika had seemed like such a hard, cold person. He’d quickly realized that hardness was a very thin, breakable shell — so, that couldn’t be it. 

Breathing in the cool, salty air, Finn stopped in the middle of all the huts and took in the sights of the island. He’d never seen a place like this before. The way the water stretched on seemingly forever… It was magnificent. He glanced towards the hill Annika and Luke had disappeared up earlier. In the distance, he could see a crumbling stone building.  _ The first Jedi Temple _ , he thought.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” 

Finn’s shoulders jerked upwards towards his ears. Rey had materialized at his side, seemingly out of nowhere.

“Where’d you come from?”

“Our hut,” she said. 

He laughed a bit shallowly. “Yeah. It’s amazing. The water…” 

“I know,” Rey said with a little hum. “There’s so much of it.” 

They stood in silence for a moment, reveling in the moment.  _ We’re here. We survived. We completed our mission. We found Luke Skywalker _ . It was like a dream. 

“Annika told me what happened between you two,” Finn said, breaking the moment.

Rey scowled. “Did she?”

“Whatever she said to you… Rey, her uncle just died. She’s sad and angry. I don’t think she meant to hurt you. She’s not a bad person, I can sense it. I don’t know how, but I can.”

“And she said all this to you, did she?” 

There was a sharp edge to Rey’s voice that Finn didn’t like. 

“She said it’s my fault, Finn,” Rey said, her voice snapping at him like a bolt. “She said it is my fault that Han died, that I was stupid to have gotten captured… She— She screamed it at me, told me I had no right to come find Master Skywalker when I’m the reason his best friend’s dead.” 

Rey was hurting. It poured out of her like a waterfall. Finn wanted to hug her, to tell her it would be all right. Part of him wanted to believe Annika was incapable of saying something like that; that no one Poe loved that much could ever be so cruel. General Organa must have said something to Annika to make her change her opinion on that, though. Annika had offered Rey the opportunity to approach Luke with her when they landed, she stuck her neck out for Rey when Luke was apprehensive to train Rey. 

So, maybe Finn didn’t know Annika. Maybe she could be cruel. Even so, he could see that she was good, that she cared about others more than she care about herself. Everyone had moments of cruelty, didn’t they? 

“You know that’s not true, right?” he asked quietly, unsure how to comfort Rey in this moment.

Rey looked up at him, brown eyes brimming with water. “Isn’t it, though? If I hadn’t been captured, the mission would have been so much simpler. You, Han, and Chewie wouldn’t have had to find me in the base. It would have been all in the air.” 

Throwing caution to the wind, Finn pulled Rey into a hug. She was stiff in his arms for all of a second before she softened and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

“It’s not your fault. It’s not,” Finn insisted, because he didn’t know what more to say. 

Being a person was much harder than he initially thought it would. As a Stormtrooper, there was no time or room for comforting the members of his squad. There was no allowance for grief or guilt. They powered through, from one mission to the next with no reprieve. The only difference between Stormtroopers and droids, in the eyes of the First Order generals, was the small matter that Stormtroopers were flesh and bone. Now, as he tried to comfort Rey but had no idea how, he almost missed that monotony of being as expendable as a piece of machinery. However, that was a secret he’d never dare speak into existence. 

It was much easier to not feel. 

“If you say so,” Rey finally said, clearly not believing him. 

She left no room for argument though, as she pulled away from the hug and entered their hut. While he’d been speaking with Annika, it was clear Rey had set it up to be livable. Just as in Annika’s hut, there was only one bed. Finn didn’t mind that, considering this one bed to share with Rey would give him more space than the cot he was alloted on the Finalizer. Rey gestured to a small chest beside the bed. 

“There are two drawers for each of us.” She leaned her staff against the wall and plopped her bag on a tiny, stone table. “It’ll do.”

“It’s more than I’ve  _ ever _ had.” 

“On Jakku, I lived in the wreck of some huge ship,” Rey said quietly. “It was far bigger than this, but not secure. I had no doors to shut, and the roof was full of holes. I could never… Even as I rested, I could never truly relax.”

“Sometimes, I can’t tell which one of us had a worse childhood,” Finn said, shaking his head as he was filled with a sort of bitter amusement. 

“It’s probably best to not dwell in that, though, is it?” 

“Yeah,” Finn said. He sat down on the bed and locked his hands behind his neck. “It’s for the best. The past is the past.”

Even as he said it, he couldn’t fully force himself to believe it.

“I’m hungry,” Rey said suddenly. “Master Sky—  _ Luke _ said dinner would be ready within the hour. I’m going to see if he needs help, since Annika doesn’t seem keen on doing so.” 

Finn sighed at the way Rey sneered Annika’s name. Something told him nothing would improve between the two until Annika mustered up a real, genuine apology to Rey’s face. And even then, it still might take Rey a while to warm up to Annika. It was clear that Annika’s words, shouted in a bout of blind anger, hurt Rey more than Rey was willing to admit. 

This time, Finn didn’t see the use in insisting that Annika wasn’t so bad. 

When it came time to eat, Annika was quiet as they all sat around a small fire, eating bread and salted fish. Poe, with Annika sat curled into herself at his side, was making wild conversation with Luke about dangerous flight routes and missions. Rey interjected ever so often, as she knew a good deal about flying. Finn barely spoke, but he found that Annika spoke even less. He could feel her discomfort; hell, he could practically smell it. It was cold and dreary. 

It was odd. Earlier, it had seemed like she made up with her father. Now, though, Finn was getting the sense that whatever happened with them wasn’t so easily patched up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, normally, I end up uploading the new chapter around 11:50 p.m. but today I posted this chapter at 6ish p.m., so that's new. It'll honestly probably always be late-night uploads, though, especially once my next semester starts because I'm taking 18 credits.
> 
> As I'm sure you've noticed, every chapter is titled with a song. The chapter summary is also always a set of lyrics from the song of the chapter. The songs are chosen very carefully to fit either the theme of the story, the chapter, or a particular emotion a character is feeling. The song "Children Who Start Fires" for me is very reminiscent of who Annika is as a person. She's angry, and closed off, and sad, and just trying to find an outlet for all her pain without going dark. She's very gray when it comes to the matters of the Force, as I've tried to hint at in this story so far. Her grayness will play a very large role later on.


	7. It's Nice To Have a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lost my gloves, you give me one …   
> twenty questions, we tell the truth   
> you’ve been stressed out lately? yeah, me too   
> something gave you the nerve   
> to touch my hand
> 
> -taylor swift

Finn awoke to the sound of fighting. Heart hammering wildly against his ribs, he shot out of bed and scrambled to the door, wishing he had a blaster on-hand. When he made it outside, he slumped against the stone side of the hut in relief. The fight he heard was nothing more than a sparring match between Annika and Luke. Luke’s green blade clashed against the furious magenta blade wielded by Annika. Poe and Rey were both sat to the side, looking upon Luke and Annika with faces of awe. Finn couldn’t blame his friends for that; it  _ was _ a spectacular sight to see. 

Annika and her father were evenly matched, but Annika’s blows came down more aggressive than Luke’s. She was on the attack, and he was on the defense. Both of them were far superior fighters than Kylo Ren, that much was clear. Stars, Finn wished Annika would have been on the ground with them at the Starkiller Base. She wouldn’t have had any issue fighting Ren. 

The fight was over in a flash when Annika lept over her father’s head and grabbed his lightsaber right out of his hand. She landed in a kneeling position, both lightsabers poised for attack. Finn’s mouth dropped open. Luke Skywalker, the legend, the most famous Jedi, had been beaten. Annika’s face dropped into a grin and she extinguished both weapons. 

Part of Finn wanted to clap, but he restrained himself. 

“I beat you!” Annika exclaimed, handing Luke back his lightsaber. “That thing’s still got dust on it!” 

“I always told you you’d be better than me,” Luke said. 

There was a look of shining pride as he watched his daughter clip her own lightsaber to her belt. Annika met Finn’s eyes and she nodded at him in greeting. She wasn’t smiling, but her eyes were. They were sparkling, shining — like the ocean that surrounded them. She looked happier than Finn had seen her yet so far. 

“You’ll teach me to fight like that?” Rey asked Luke. 

“I don’t expect you to be able to fight at this level any time soon,” Luke said, and Rey’s face fell. “It will take time, but you will learn.” That was when he turned his attention to Finn. “Finn, will you be joining Rey and I for lessons today?” 

Caught off guard, Finn turned to look at Poe. Poe’s face was a blank slate, not giving Finn any sense of his opinion on the matter. Finn knee both Annika and Rey thought he should — and the two girls being in agreement on that should have been more than enough to sway his opinion — but he wasn’t sure. 

“I— I think I’ll just… stay with Annika and Poe today. If that’s okay?”

“Of course, pal,” Poe said, clapping Finn’s shoulder enthusiastically. 

Annika nodded ever so slightly, but Finn could feel her disappointment. Just so not to disappoint her, Finn almost wanted to take back his decline of Luke’s offer, but he held his tongue. This was Rey’s journey, not his. He couldn’t force her to share that with him, even if she was willing. She deserved something of her own. 

“You surprised me,” Annika told Finn later, as they hiked down to where Poe landed the Falcon. “I thought you’d decide to train.” 

Finn huffed. “It’s not for me.”

He could see Annika eyeing him carefully. Then, Poe spoke. 

“I think you’d make a great Jedi,” Poe told him. 

“This is for Rey to do on her own,” Finn said. “From the moment she heard about Luke Skywalker, she wanted to find him— To learn from him. This is hers.” 

There was silence for a moment. And then, “What if I taught you?”

Finn stopped in his tracks and spun around. Annika was staring at him, mouth ajar like she wanted to take back what she said. He could tell she hadn’t known she was going to offer it until the words left her mouth. Poe looked even more shocked than Annika looked and Finn felt. 

“Wh—What?” 

“Yes,” Annika said, lifting her chin. “I’ll teach you the ways of the Force. It’s strong in you, Finn. You could be a wonderful Jedi. Let me teach you.”

Mouth dry, Finn looked to Poe once again for guidance. This time, Poe’s face shown with emotion. Finn found himself resolute in his answer this time. 

“All right. If you’ll have me, I’d like to learn from you.” 

“Good.” Annika’s lips quirked up into a tiny smirk. “We can start now, if you’d like. And don’t start any of that ‘Master’ kriff that Rey’s been pulling with my father, got it?”

“Got it.” 

Poe laughed, loud and cheerful. “Can I watch?”

**[** …  **]**

Finn had never been so tired. Once upon a time, he thought the First Order drills to be exhausting, but nothing could have prepared him for training under Annika. He had no idea what Rey worked on with Luke, but all he did with Annika was meditate and try and reach out to the Force. It had worked, and just as Annika explained it to him, he could feel the essence of it swirling beneath him, circling around every little thing on the surface of the planet. It was exhausting and draining, but he couldn’t wait for the morning to do it all again. 

“Cold?”

Finn raised his eyes from the roaring fire before him and found Poe standing above him, blanket in hand. 

“A bit,” Finn admitted. 

Without another word, Poe sat beside him on the stone bench and pulled the blanket around both of them. The heavy material settled across Finn’s shoulders and across the expanse of his back. Instantly, it brought a warmth to him that even the fire hadn’t been able to. 

“How you feeling after today?”

“Tired,” Finn said. “But good. Better than I’ve ever felt, actually.”

Poe knocked his shoulder against Finn’s. “That’s good to hear. I knew this would be good for you. It’ll be good for Annika too, I think.” 

“You do?”

“I mean, she’ll never, ever admit it, but, yeah. I think this is something she’s needed ever since… Well,  _ you know _ .” Poe sighed and scooted closer to Finn. Their arms and thighs were pressed together, searing but Finn felt no urge to pull away. “She’s been living in the pain of it for so long, but I think this will help her finally let go.”

Finn wasn’t sure if Poe reached for him, or if he reached for Poe, but the hands of their touching arms tangled together. Poe’s hand squeezed Finn’s, silent in the darkness of the island. 

“We’ll help each other,” Finn said decidedly. “Part of me… I feel connected to her in some way. It’s like… Like, I’ve always known her. Or I was always supposed to meet her? I don’t know how to explain it, but some part of me just knows that we’re supposed to be in each other’s lives.” 

Finn paused, took a breath, and looked at Poe. But Poe was already looking at him. The fire cast long shadows along Poe’s face. It was a breathtaking sight. Glowing embers in the air illuminated the flecks of gold in Poe’s dark eyes, brightened the whiteness of his teeth, emphasized the straight line of his jaw. He was beautiful. 

“But, it’s different from you,” Finn said quietly. “With Annika, I feel it in my bones. With you— When I met you—” Slowly, Finn gestured to his chest. “I could feel it in here, in my lungs, in my ribs, in— in my heart.” He shook his head and laughed a little. “It’s weird, I know.”

“No,” Poe said, voice full of unknown emotion. “It’s not. I— I could feel that, too. When you pulled me from that cell, I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t scared you were taking me to my death. I felt completely calm. I thought I was crazy for it.”

This time, it was Finn who squeezed Poe’s hand. He’d have to ask Annika about it at some point. From all he learned from her today, he was convinced that Annika knew all the secrets of the universe. 

“I’m pretty tired,” Poe said, his words accompanied by a nervous laugh. “I, uh— I’m gonna head to bed.” 

“Good night,” Finn said. 

Had he said something? Done something? 

Poe stood and moved towards his hut — Annika had disappeared into it hours ago — but then he faltered. 

“You staying out here?”

“Yeah,” Finn said. “Rey still hasn’t come back from whatever she and Luke were doing.”

“Okay,” Poe said. His voice was quiet. “Good night, Finn.” 

Finn repeated the words and tore his eyes away from Poe. He watched the fire, the embers slowly burning away to nothingness. By the time Rey returned with Luke, the fire had nearly extinguished itself. Rey was all but glowing with the Force, radiant in every step. 

“Finn! What are you still doing up?”

He smiled a bit bashfully. “I wanted to wait up for you… See how your day was.”

Rey beamed at him, hand curled right around her staff. 

“It was amazing!” 

“Rey will do well as a Jedi,” Luke said. “I only started my training when I was nineteen, as well, you know.”

Finn raised his eyes to stare at the aging face of the old Jedi Master. It was hard to imagine him ever being so young. Younger than Finn, the same age as Rey. It didn’t seem real. 

“Before the Empire, when the original Jedi Order was at its height, Jedi began their training at the age of three.” 

“Three?” Finn echoed. That was the age he had to have been when the First Order took him. “That… That’s so  _ young _ .”

“It is,” Luke said gravely. “Rey, would you mind if I speak to Finn in private?” 

Rey flicked her eyes between Finn and Luke. “Oh, yes. Of course. I should head to bed, anyway. Goodnight, Master Skywalker.” 

With Rey in the hut, Luke settled down across the fire from Finn. The dying embers cast dark shadows across Luke’s face, making him look almost ghostlike. Powerful, too. 

“You trained with Annika today,” Luke said. 

It wasn’t an accusation, just a mere statement. Still, it made Finn’s stomach churn. 

“I— I’m sorry, sir,” he stammered out. “I didn’t— I didn’t mean to— It was never my intention to offend. I won’t do it again.” 

“I’m not upset with you,” Luke said softly. “In fact, I’m glad.”

“You are?” 

Luke smiled at him. “Yes. I think it will be good for you and Annika both.” 

Finn wanted to laugh. Poe said the same thing. He’d probably lose his mind if he found out he had something like that in common with Luke Skywalker. 

“Tell me, Finn. How was it, training under Annika?” 

“It was…” Finn licked his lips, trying to think of the right words. “It was good. It was exhausting, but I also feel… in tune with the universe.”

“That’s good.” Luke’s tone was encouraging, but Finn was sure he could sense some relief and shock beneath the words. “I must confess, I was concerned she’d never find herself capable of training anyone else.” 

“Because of what happened to Korra?” Finn asked slowly.

“Yes.” Luke eyed him, steady and careful, across the hearth. “What did she tell you about Korra?”

“Just that she was killed when…  _ Ren _ destroyed your temple.” Finn kneaded at a cramping muscle in his left shoulder. “She didn’t tell me much. I could tell how hurt she was… how hurt she still is.”

Luke hummed, nodding. “Thank you,” Luke said. “I don’t know what you’ve done to earn her faith and trust, but I beg of you to keep it up.” 

Finn didn’t know either, but he nodded. 

“Of course.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed! This Luke/Finn conversation was a long time coming, and there's many more to be had before anything gets realized/revealed! We've learned more about Annika here, and the nuances of the trauma she's faced over the past few years. It's something that's allowed her and Finn to bond so fast. I'm really excited to explore more of this, and I look forward to seeing your thoughts.


	8. I Hate Everybody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i’m my own biggest enemy  
> yeah, all my empathy’s a disaster   
> feelin’ somethin’ like a scaly thing  
> wrapped too tightly, ‘round my own master …   
> and i know that it’s unfair on me  
> to make a memory out of a feelin’   
> it’s cause i notice every single thing  
> that’s ever happening in the moment  
> and i don’t know why it’s consumin’ me
> 
> -halsey

Annika’s father always told her she was the universe’s greatest gift to him. For years, she’d believed him. Her father had a charm about him that made anyone he spoke to feel endlessly special, and she was not immune to it. But then he left. He left her and everyone else alone, just as things got bad. And now, they were at war.

In the end, everyone left. 

“Annika.” 

The voice was solemn, breathless, full of relief to be alive. Poe Dameron stood in her doorway, covered in soot and sweat. His flight suit was singed and his face was a little banged up, but he looked  _ okay _ . Beyond that, he was  _ alive _ . 

“Poe,” Annika whispered. A grin tugged at her lips, and she threw herself at him. He caught her mid-air and hugged her tight. “Oh, I thought the worst! I knew you couldn’t be dead—  _ I knew it _ ! But, I thought— I feared the First Order might’ve—”

“They got me,” Poe said, setting her down. “Kylo Ren— He got me.”

_ Kylo Ren _ . Annika remembered when he was still Ben.  _ Her Ben _ . Her best friend and the light of her life. She hadn’t even known of the darkness in him until it was far too late. 

“But how…” Annika trailed off, clutching Poe’s shoulders in her hands and examining him for any sign of trauma. 

“A stormtrooper,” Poe said, eyes wild. “He defected. Saved my life. After the TIE fighter crashed, I couldn’t— I couldn’t find him. Or BB-8.” 

Annika frowned. It wasn’t everyday you heard about a stormtrooper defecting. They were brainwashed from childhood, stolen from their families before they could form any real memories of home and happiness. Whoever the stormtrooper that saved Poe was, he must’ve been a truly special person. 

“We’ve got all our allies across the galaxy on the lookout for BB-8,” Annika said. She could see the grief in his dark eyes, and she wished she could take it away from him. “Poe. Tell me the truth. Are you all right?”

He offered a shallow smile. “Ren’s a lot scarier in person.”

Despite herself, Annika laughed. “If you knew what was under that mask, you wouldn’t be scared.”

Once upon a time, Ben Solo had been a sweet, quiet boy that practiced calligraphy when she wasn’t doing her best to bother him. He’d been awkward, but kind. And he’d never been anything but patient with her. When they were kids, though he was several years older than her, he told her that his mother could be hers too when she cried to him about her lack of one. 

His betrayal shattered her world.

“Anna, I’m fine,” Poe then said. “Promise.”

She stared at him, eyes calculating his entire presence. “I think you should go to the medbay. Knowing Ren, he wasn’t gentle when he Force-probed you. You’re owed a hot shower and a nap, I think.” 

“We’re at war. We don’t have time to nap.” Poe gave her a tired smile. “Besides, General wants to see us.” 

Annika pursed her lips.  _ General Leia Organa. Once a Princess, now the leader of a rebellion _ . That was how everyone saw her. Not Annika, though. To Annika, Leia would always be the mother Ben offered her. She would always be Ben’s mom. 

“Did she say what about?”

Poe shook his head. “She told me to clean up and then report to be briefed.” 

“Well, you should get on it, then, Commander Dameron,” Annika said, the ghost of a smile on her lips. “That was a direct order from the General herself, wasn’t it?” 

Poe’s grin was that of a rebel, of a scoundrel, of a no-good flyboy. “Don’t forget, she wants you there too,  _ Vice Admiral _ .” 

As it always did when she was referred to by her rank, Annika’s face scrunched up in annoyance. “Ugh. Don’t call me that.” 

There was a certain glint in Poe’s dark eyes that gave Annika pause. She hadn’t noticed it before, too caught up in her joy to see him alive and (most importantly) well. There was a shroud of grief around him. She could feel it, smell it, hear it. 

“Poe.” She reached out and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. With all her might, she tried to pass calmness into him. “What is it?” 

“I—” He paused, closed his mouth, swallowed. “He’s dead, Annika.” 

“Who?” 

“Finn. I— I was captured, gonna die, but he saved me. He was a stormtrooper, but  _ he _ saved  _ me _ . He didn’t have a name. They only ever called him FN-2187, so I gave him a name.” He sniffed sharply and wiped at his face with the hand Annika wasn’t holding. “I gave him a name and got him killed.” 

She bit her lip, unsure what to say to him. This felt different —  _ stronger _ — than the grief she talked him through when his pilots fell in battle. Her father always told her that some people were connected through the Force, thousands of years in the making. This Finn — this stormtrooper — broke his way through years and years of brainwashing to save Poe’s life, when Poe shouldn’t have been anything more than an enemy —  _ rebel scum _ — to him. Perhaps Poe was connected to Finn. Annika had no words for that type of loss. 

So, she settled on: “I’m so sorry, Poe.” 

Then, she pulled him into her arms and hugged him tight. He wasn’t much taller than her, so he was able to tuck his head into the nape of her neck without too much discomfort. Hearing him sniffle, Annika chewed down hard on her lip and carded her hands through his hair. 

“It’ll be okay,” she said, only half believing it. “What matters is that you’re here.” 

“Every time I close my eyes,” he mumbled, “I see his face. All I can remember is the look he had when he pulled his mask off.” 

Annika set her jaw and pulled away from the hug. She gripped the shoulders of his flight suit in her fists and glared at him. 

“Keep going. Honor him, and his memory. Create a legacy for Finn. Fight  _ for _ him. Make sure his sacrifice wasn’t— wasn’t in vain. Okay?”

Poe nodded. The muscle at the corner of his jaw ticked. “Okay.” He sniffed loudly. “Thanks, Anna.” 

She smiled softly. “Anytime.”

It was what they did. They cried and grieved to each other. They were each other’s rocks. 

“I’m gonna go clean off.” 

Without further conversation, Poe left her in her quarters. When the door fell shut with a heavy thud, she reached up and ran her hands through her. In the process, her fingers got caught in wild tangles. Wincing, she reached for her hairbrush. The brush had knots of blonde hair in it already. She really needed to clean it out. Still, she yanked it through her hair and tied up the top half of it into a tiny bun. She grabbed her blue marked jacket, shrugged it over her shoulders, and made her way into the corridor. 

“Oh, Miss Annika!” 

C3-PO, the world’s most obnoxious droid, was approaching her in all his golden glory. Well, almost all golden. He still had the red arm she put on him a week back to replace the regular arm, damaged in a small skirmish with a few shocktroopers she got into. 

“Hi, Threepio,” Annika said with a tired sigh. “What is it?”

“General Organa has requested your presence immediately,” Threepio said, with a small flourish of his hands.

“Good thing I was already headed to her,” Annika said, offering a tight smile. “Is there anything else?”

“Oh, no, Miss Annika! I will accompany you back to command center, now.” 

She feared he’d say that. On her good days, she could handle the chatty droid. Today was not one of her good days, however. Threepio prattled on about the lack of manners in several of the pilots, but Annika didn’t pay much attention. When she reached command, Leia was standing beside Admiral Ackbar, locker in conversation. The conversation ceased as soon as they caught sight of Annika. 

“General Organa, Admiral Ackbar,” Annika greeted with all the professionalism she could muster, standing at attention with her hands clasped behind her back. 

“Normally, I would tell you to drop the formalities. However, I feel it would be best if we stuck to them for now,” Leia said. “I need to tell you about the mission I sent Poe on.” 

Annika felt her eyebrows arch up. Quickly, she pushed them back down. As Vice Admiral of the Resistance’s Navy and the sole coordinator between sky and ground forces under the General, she needed to be blank. She couldn’t show emotion. She needed to bottle it down until she was alone. 

“I’ll step out for a moment,” Admiral Ackbar said, folding his hands together. “Vice Admiral, General.” 

Annika smiled stiffly and nodded to him as he walked away. Leia waited a few moments to continue. 

“Commander Dameron was sent to Jakku to locate a map to lead us to—” Leia faltered, and Annika did her best to not show confusion over it. Leia  _ never _ faltered. “To Luke Skywalker.”

Now Annika could see why Leia faltered. Luke Skywalker meant so many things to both of them. The hesitancy to speak made sense now. 

“I hope you can understand why I kept this from you, even though Commander Dameron reports to you.” 

Of course, Annika understood. Her behavior was never rational when it came to the old Jedi Master. She was angry; angry at him for failing her and all the padawans, angry at him for not noticing what was happening with Ben until it was far too late, and she was most of all angry at him for leaving. Of course, she understood why Leia didn’t tell her. But it still didn’t staunch the hurt. 

“Yes, General,” Annika said, throat thick with emotion. “Yes, I understand. Completely.” 

That was when The General faded away and Leia took over. There was a sad, soft smile on her face. 

“I know how angry you must be, Annika,” Leia said. She reached out and cupped her hands around Annika’s cheeks. Annika sniffed in sharply as Leia’s thumbs brushed over her cheekbones. “ _ Feel it _ ,” Leia insisted. “Don’t bottle it in. To feel is to be human. Feel it, but don’t let it crush you.”

“I will,” Annika said. “I won’t.”

Leia, understanding completely, smiled. “I hope you’re telling me the truth, Annika.” 

“I am. I talk to Poe when it gets hard.”

“I’m glad you two have each other.”

“Me too.” 

And then, just like magic, Poe walked into command. He looked far better than he did fifteen minutes ago. Meeting his eyes, Annika beamed up at him.  _ He’s safe. He’s not going anywhere _ . He came to stand by her, slinging an arm around her shoulders — loose, but protective and strong. Soon, all the other Resistance officers filed in. Most of the pilots from Poe’s squadron, too. 

“Everyone,” Leia began, her voice strong and unwavering, “BB-8 has been found on Takodana in the presence of two First Order fugitives… and Han Solo.”

Beside Annika, Poe whooped. She bit back a smile, knowing Poe had been just as gutted about the potential loss of his droid as he was over Finn’s death.  _ Han Solo _ . Stars, it had been nearly a year since Annika saw him. If Han was with BB-8, that meant he was at Maz’s cantina. Now, Annika trusted Maz; she was loyal to the Resistance, and ever moreso, the Force. Annika just didn’t trust Maz’s customers.

“If our allies spotted him, we can assume the First Order’s have as well,” Annika said, hating to be the one to bring the room down. “We should be expecting a fight.” 

“Annika’s right,” Poe said. “And we  _ need _ to get BB-8 before those bastards do.”

_ The fate of the Resistance depends on it _ . The words were unspoken, but Poe didn’t need to say it for Annika to understand. 

But  _ all that _ was a week ago. Now, Annika found herself on Ahch-To with Poe, an ex-stormtrooper who she felt absolute trust for, a scavenger that she just couldn’t get along with no matter how hard she tried, and her father. They were an odd bunch, the five of them, but Annika was happier here than she’d been in a long, long time. 

Legs crossed, she sat on the floor of the old temple in an attempt to meditate. Though he was focused on Rey’s training, her father was insistent on her keeping up with meditation and other trainings she’d learned.  _ Power and strength alone cannot save you in the heat of battle, Annika. Remember this _ . Deep in meditation, her mind found itself wandering to Ben. 

The Force twisted around her, jerking her mind in ten different directions throughout hyperspace. When her mind settled, all she could see was the white interior of a ship.  _ Strange _ . The Force led her to a display case, and her insides twisted when she saw what was on display. Laying among ashes was the warped, burnt mask of Darth Vader.  _ Ben _ , she thought.  _ These are Ben’s quarters _ . 

_ Why is the Force showing me this? _

“Annika.”

Without hesitation, her hand went to the lightsaber at her belt. As she spun to face the voice, she pulled it out and ignited the blade. There he stood, in all his dark glory. 

“Murderer,” Annika snarled, leveling her blade with his jugular. 

Fiery hate consumed her. Anger swelled in her veins like a tsunami just waiting to crash. He wasn’t wearing his mask, so she could look into his eyes — the eyes of the boy she once idolized. There was a red tint to her vision, and she could feel the Dark Side of the Force tugging at her, luring her into the shadows. For a moment, she didn’t care. She wanted to rip him to shreds for all that he’d done. 

Before she could lunge, hands she couldn’t see grabbed her shoulders and jerked her out of the vision. Her father was crouched before her, worry seeping out of his blue eyes.

“Annika,” he whispered. There was hurt in his voice. “ _ What _ were you doing?”

Stunned, she looked around at her surroundings. Violent, angry cracks shot out along the stone, all centered around the place she sat. 

“I— What happened?”

“You caused an earthquake, Annika.” Her father stood up, pulling her with him. “You were  _ supposed _ to be meditating. What happened?”

“I had a vision.” Her voice was hoarse as she spoke. “I— I saw Ben, Dad. I  _ talked _ to him. I wanted to kill him…” She sniffed sharply. “But, I didn’t want to just kill him. I wanted to rip him apart. I wanted him to suffer, to feel the pain he caused.” 

The look in her father’s eyes was more than enough to make her feel ashamed. 

“The Dark Side is calling to you still, it seems,” he said, frowning. “We’ll have to work on it. Remember, you’re allowed to be angry with Ben for falling to the darkness and becoming Kylo Ren, but you also must remember that there is so much more in this world to love than there is to hate.” 

“I know, Dad,” Annika said. 

Even as she spoke what she knew was the truth, she wasn’t completely sure she could do it. It had been a fear of hers for years and years now, but now she was beginning to accept that it was a reality. She would  _ never _ be the person her father wanted her to be. She just prayed he could accept that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a long chapter (2600+ words) — the longest chapter of the story yet, actually. This chapter is also told completely from Annika's perspective, which also hasn't been done yet. It was important to me that you guys see what was happening "before" this story began, i.e. during The Force Awakens. Annika, in my opinion, was the perfect mouth piece for that, as we know what Finn and Rey (and Poe, kind of) were doing/feeling during the events of the movie. This gives a nice background into Annika and shows more of why she is that way that she is. Another plus of doing a chapter like this is that Annika, being well versed in the Force, can sense things about Poe (and his feelings regarding Finn) that we don't get to see through Finn's eyes. 
> 
> I really love seeing what you guys think about this story and its plot, so please leave a comment or two! I try to respond to all of them, and feedback really does mean a LOT for us writers!


	9. Townie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smell that, it’s wet grass, and smoke in my hair  
> i think i’ve had enough  
> but he wants a finale and i came prepared  
> and we’re not going back
> 
> -mitski

For whatever reason, Annika decided to cancel their training session for the day after returning from her meditation. Finn could tell she needed it from the way the color was completely drained from her face, so he didn’t press the issue. Instead, he just sought out Poe. When he found Poe, he was tinkering with the engine of the Falcon. 

“Hey!” Poe said. “I thought you had training with Annika now?”

“She cancelled,” Finn said. “So, I thought we could find something to do?” 

Poe snorted and ducked below the hatch Finn had once hidden in with Rey. “Yeah? Like what? It’s nice here and all, but there’s not exactly much scenery. Or options for activities.” 

“We could just explore,” Finn suggested. “There’s gotta be more to this planet than this  _ one _ little island. Right?” 

Poe popped his head out from the hatch, a wild grin on his face. “There aren’t that many other islands according to the map Luke has, but I bet you there’s some awesome relics of the old Jedi Order hidden around here.”

Something spiked in Finn’s chest, lighting his chest on fire at the thought. “You think?” 

“Oh, yeah,” Poe said, off handedly.

He easily pushed himself up and out of the hatch, the tendons in his forearms flexing wildly. There was a subtle, silent strength in Poe that was always surrounding him, but now it was far more obvious than usual. The strength was magnificent and Finn just wanted to reach out and trace his fingers down Poe’s skin. He caught himself before he could. 

“Wanna take a hike?”

Poe wiped his hands on a stained rag and then placed his hands on his hips, waiting for Finn’s answer.

“Yeah,” Finn said, his mouth a bit dry. “That— That would be fun.”

Poe grinned, and it was like staring into the face of the sun. 

**[** …  **]**

“Tell me a story.”

Finn and Poe were sitting on the overlook of a cliff, the water raging kilometers beneath them. Like everything, it seemed — it was unlike anything Finn had ever seen before. He had a fresh loaf of bread in his hands, half eaten and mostly forgotten at this point. It was just something for his hands to do. Yesterday, Annika had let him hold her lightsaber and ever since he’d been itching to hold it again. He wanted to ignite the blade in his hands and learn to fight with the grace of water — just like Annika seemed to. 

“What kind of story?”

Finn could feel Poe’s eyes trained on the side of his face. The dark irises were burning holes into his cheek, burrowing deep into his bloodstream. 

“A happy one.” 

For the longest time, there had been no such thing as happiness in Finn’s life. For Poe, though, that wasn’t the case. Poe had been graced with a good life, a happy life.  _ Stars _ , Finn just wanted to know what that was like. He wished he could know what his life would have been if the First Order hadn’t ripped him from his mother’s arms. Did he have a father out there in the galaxy, somewhere, grieving him? Did he have any brothers or sisters that lost a brother and mother in a single moment.

His mind wandered to Annika, and her bitter anger, and her deep sadness. If he had siblings out there, roaming the galaxy, were they drowning in the same weight that held Annika down? 

“How ‘bout you tell me what’s going on inside  _ your _ head, instead?” 

Eyebrows raised, Finn turned to look at Poe. There was a half-cocked smile on Poe’s lips. 

“I can read you like a book, pal.” 

Something that resembled a quiet laugh pushed itself out of Finn’s throat in a little puff of air. It was also in that moment that he realized his hands ripped the little loaf of bread into two pieces. Licking his lips, he sat the bread aside and brushed his hands off on his pants, avoiding Poe’s strong gaze. 

“I was thinking about my family,” Finn said quietly. “Or, what my family could be doing right now, really. If they even exist.” 

Poe’s hand reached out in silence and wrapped itself around Finn’s palm. Poe’s fingers slipped through Finn’s, squeezing tight. 

“We can look for them,” Poe said quietly. “When we get back, we— We can start looking. We can do blood tests first to compare with people in the Resistance. I mean, for all we know you have biological family fighting for you. I’ve met people — soldiers, pilots, doctors, mechanics — who had children and siblings taken from them.” 

Finn kept his one hand interlocked with Poe’s and raised the other to his head. He scratched his fingers through his hair and ran it down the back of his head. Most of him was convinced that there was no chance. They’re  _ gone _ . He has no family. But, then, there was a small part of his brain, sparking with light and hope.  _ They’re out there. They’re alive. They’re closer than you think _ . 

“Yeah,” Finn said. His voice was caught in the base of his throat. “I— That’s a good idea.” 

Maybe he’d get lucky and his family would be with the Resistance. He had to have  _ some _ good luck at some point, after all.

**[** …  **]**

Rey did  _ not _ hate Annika. Hate was not the way of the Jedi, and Master Skywalker had made that incredibly clear when she asked him if he hated Kylo Ren. He then told her the story of Darth Vader, his father, who he was able to save by invoking the love in Vader’s heart. So, Rey didn’t hate Annika. Hate was not meant for someone like her. 

Master Skywalker said nothing about disliking people being against the Jedi Code. So, Rey merely disliked Annika. Of course, she didn’t hate the woman. But, just because a lot of bad things had happened to Annika in her life didn’t mean she could just  _ explode _ at people whenever she pleased. And she couldn’t even find it in herself to say sorry, either! Where was  _ that _ in the Jedi Code?

Master Skywalker had implored Rey to be patient with Annika. “She’s got a tough shell, but she’s all soft underneath.” Poe said the same thing. And then so did Finn. It would be a lie to say that Rey was completely at peace with Annika being comfortable with everyone on the island except her. Discounting BB-8 and R2-D2, there were only four other people on the island! Was Rey really that insufferable?

_ No _ . Rey wasn’t the insufferable one.  _ That _ was Annika. 

When Rey arrived to the cliffside where Luke was fond of holding their lessons, Annika was there too. Rey bristled at the sight of the other woman’s blonde hair and deep brown jacket. Annika turned to look at Rey, and it was startling to see the redness in her eyes and the wetness on her cheeks. She’d been  _ crying _ . Sobbing, most likely by the shaking of her shoulders and the trembling of her lips. 

“Hi, Rey,” Annika said quietly, almost kindly. “I’ll leave you two to your training.”

Without further communication, she stood and rushed away. Master Skywalker watched after his daughter sadly. 

“Is— Is everything all right?” Rey asked, unsure if she even should be asking that question. 

“I certainly hope so,” Master Skywalker said with a heavy smile. Rey could feel the Force wrapping around him — surrounding him in a comforting embrace, almost. “Now, let’s get started on today’s lesson.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up immediately after the previous one ended. 
> 
> Writing Rey's point of view was difficult, as I've never done that before. It's hard to get inside her head, despite her being the main character of the sequel trilogy. I think Finn and Poe are easier for me because I've read so many FinnPoe fics that they're just so familiar to me -- more familiar than any Star Wars character, except maybe Anakin. 
> 
> This story is about relationships, above all else. With this chapter, I wanted to focus on Finn and Poe's relationship as they're blossoming from friends into that "something more" category. Rey and Annika's relationship is also going to be huge in this story, as we eventually split up into different plots. Eventually, it'll be Rey and Annika on one front with Finn and Poe on the other. Before we do that, though, we need to get Rey and Annika into a much more positive place.
> 
> Please, let me know your thoughts on this story! It's what drives me to write!

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr @jamespottev


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